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August 2014
27

"Recovery is a Bumpy Road (Final Part of Eating Disorder)" One Shot

Author: spnwolfyboys

Summary: Part 4 (Final part) of the Winchester brothers finding out the reader as an ED

Warnings: Eating Disorder, Suicide mentioned

Word Count: 2390

Fic:

The next morning, you wake up at the crack of dawn. You look around and notice that Sam and Dean are still fast asleep. Then it dawns on you, you had told Dean everything and then you ate food without puking it up. The apple sits heavy in your stomach, and you want to get it out of your body, along with the chocolate bar from yesterday. You know that it would hurt Dean and Sam if you did do that, especially since you had just asked for help stopping.

You feel Dean pull you closer to him, his arm wrapped tightly around your waist. You need to get out of the bed and away from the motel; you need air to think about everything that was going to happen today. Dean is taking you to a doctor’s office to run tests and see how the eating disorder had affected your body after all those years. You feel sick to your stomach thinking about what you had done to your body.

“Dean,” you whisper, almost inaudibly. You tug at his t-shirt, trying to wake him up.

“Hmmmph,” Dean mumbles incoherently, sleep heavy in his voice.

You tug at his shirt, a little harder this time. You feel like a toddler trying to get their parents attention. You need him right now to reassure you about everything. His eyes fly open as you whimper ever so quietly. His eyes soften as he sees you propped up against the headboard with a look of panic across your face.

"Y/N? What’s wrong?” He sits up and places his arm around your shoulders, squeezing them gently.

“I ate an apple last night…” you whimper out, “I feel sick and trapped. I don’t know what to do…”

“It’s okay, Y/N. Do you want to go for a ride in the Impala? You can ride shotgun and we can just relax.” Dean wipes away the stray tear falling down your face.

You nod your head slightly, getting up and grabbing a blanket off the couch before heading outside. The crisp, morning air sends shivers down your spine and your teeth begin to chatter as Dean opens the Impala. You climb into the passenger seat, snuggled into the blanket and roll down the window, the fresh air calming you down almost instantaneously. You let out a sigh of relief as Dean pulls away from the motel and the air blows gently into the car. Dean turns on the radio and lets the rock music play softly in the background.

“I am sorry for waking you up,” you whisper, turning to look at Dean.

“It’s fine, Y/N. I am glad you woke me up. But I am wondering, if I wasn’t there or Sam, what would you have done?” Dean smiles at you.

“I – uh – I probably would have forced myself to be sick, to be honest. I was thinking about it before I woke you up. But I didn’t want to hurt you or Sammy. I couldn’t do that to you guys.” You snuggle deeper into the blanket and bring your knees up to your chest.

“I am even happier that you woke me up now. You can always talk to Sam or I about this, we don’t mind. You look a little tired still, lay down and just sleep. I will be here when you wake up. I promise. And thank you for waking me up.” Dean pats his thigh, offering you to lay your head in his lap.

You adjust the blanket and then lay across the front seat, your head resting softly against Dean’s leg, the hum of the engine putting you to sleep right away, a small smile gracing your lips as you find comfort in Dean.

~~~

When you wake up, you are still in the Impala, resting against Dean’s legs. You slowly sit up and realize that Sam is in the backseat and he’s smiling at you. Dean moves his arm off of your side, and gives you a small smile.

“Good morning, Y/N!” Dean says happily, sneaking a glance over at you.

“Morning,” you mumble, wiping away the drool from you mouth. “Sorry for drooling on you, Dean.”

“Don’t worry about, Sammy used to do the same thing!” Dean laughs, ruffling your hair.

You lean back against your seat, the air blowing your hair gently and you smile a genuine smile. You feel at ease, knowing that Dean and Sam are both here for you. Your stomach lets out a small grumble, reminding you to eat something. 

“Someone is hungry!” Sam exclaims, patting your shoulder gently. Dean must’ve told him about your bones being weakened leading to soreness.

“I guess so. I don’t know though.” You begin to doubt your body, unsure if food is what it wants. You have ignored what your body wanted for so long that you didn’t quite understand it sometimes.

“I think you’re hungry. Do you want another apple, or we could stop somewhere for a meal?” Sam asks gently.

“We are going to be back at the bunker soon. I can make some burgers if you want?” Dean suggests with a smile.

“I am good with the apple, but I will wait till we get back to the bunker so you can have a burger,” you say with a smile, knowing that Dean loves making burgers for himself and Sam to enjoy.

“Then we are going to take you to the doctors. Do you want Sammy to come with us?” Dean asks, reassuringly squeezing your hand.

“No,” you state simply. “No offense Sam.”

“Don’t worry about it. I was looking forward to reading some of the books on lore, I just never got around to it.”

“Nerd,” Dean whispers under his breath, earning a glare from Sam and a small laugh from you.

Dean pulls into the garage of the bunker and you all pile out. You drop your bags in your respective rooms before meeting back in the library. Dean is already in the kitchen making burgers while Sam pulls out the bag of apples and places one on a plate for you. You whisper a small thank you as you start before the boys, knowing that you would still take longer than the two of them. By the time Dean sits down with the burgers, you have finished one quarter of the apple. Each time you swallow, it feels like a brick landing in your stomach.

“Y/N, you look a little pale. Everything okay?” Sam asks as you take another bite, wincing as you swallow.

“No… I feel sick. I can’t…” You feel the vomit rising in your throat, your body revolting against that last bite of apple. You bolt out of the library and towards the bathroom.

You collapse in front of the toilet and eliminate the few bites of apple that you just took in. You feel someone pulling back your hair and rubbing your back softly.

“I’m sorry… I couldn’t swallow it down. I tried, I really did!” you sob.

“I know. It’ll take time. It’s okay. I am not mad at you. You did try,” Dean repeats over and over, like a mantra for you. He helps you up and gives you some water to rinse your mouth out with. “Ready to head to the doctor’s office?”

“Yeah,” you stammer out, nervous about what the doctor will tell you. “Will you stay in the room with me while they run the tests? I am scared.”

“Of course!” Dean exclaims giving you a small kiss on the forehead as he leads you back to the Impala.

The drive to the doctor’s office is silent, not an awkward silence but more a heavy, nervous silence. Dean pulls into the closest parking spot, and scampers around to open your door for you. He grabs onto your hand and walks into the office with you.

“Hi there!” The receptionist says happily, way too perky. “What can I do for you two?”

“Hi,” Dean says with a fake, cheerful smile, “I booked an appointment yesterday for my friend here. She needs to see the doctor about an eating disorder.”

“Oh right, are you Y/N?” she smiles at you, but you can see the pity in her eyes.

“Yeah, that’s me,” you say, barely audible, your nerves kicking into overdrive.

“Come back with me, and I will have you fill out some paperwork. Your friend can’t come with you though. “ The receptionist begins to lead you away but as soon as you hear that last part, you pump your brakes.

“He’s coming with me,” you state.

“It’s private examinations though, miss.”

“Dean knows everything about me already, so he is coming in with me.” You grip Dean’s hand tightly, not wanting to let go of him.

The receptionist just shakes her head but allows Dean to follow you to the examination room. She hands you a pen and some papers before saying the doctor will be in shortly and leaves the two of you alone. You scan over the papers before filling them out quickly. Skipping meals? Check. Forcing yourself to throw up? Check. You continue down the list, quietly mumbling the questions and answers to yourself, forgetting Dean is even there until you hear him chuckle. Your head snaps up quickly and you can’t help but laugh as you see Dean sitting in a swivel chair and spinning in circles. You laugh even louder as you see the doctor standing in the doorway with a smile as he, too, watches Dean spin.

“Excuse me, sir, but may I have my chair please?” the doctor says, causing Dean to suddenly stop and give the doctor his chair back. “Now, Y/N, how long have you had been starving yourself and forcing yourself to be sick?”

“Two years or so,” you whisper, not looking at the doctor but finding comfort in looking at Dean.

“Okay, now I need to take a look at your blood pressure, followed by your weight and then your bones. For the bones, I will need your friend, here, to step out of the room as you need to remove any clothing.” The doctor explains the steps to you, but you freeze up as you hear Dean has to leave.

“No. He stays for all of it. He’s seen everything already,” you say urgently, not wanting Dean to leave you.

“Okay, if that’s your wish.”

The doctor begins by checking your blood pressure, a grim look upon his face as he writes down the results. Next, he asks you to step onto the scale; you can’t look so you step onto it backwards. You keep your eyes locked on Dean, too scared to know what you weigh. Then comes the body exam and looking at your protruding bones. The doctor runs his hands up and down your spine, then moves onto the ribs and you wince as he presses in the same spot as Dean did yesterday. You feel Dean squeeze your hand and he gives you a reassuring smile. As the doctor finishes, you quickly cover up your body, ashamed that Dean had to see the bones sticking out of your skin.

“So the results are a little grim, Y/N,” the doctor says, frowning at his notes. “Your blood pressure is low. I wouldn’t want you to be doing many physical activities, as I am scared that it would cause your heart to give out. Your weight is extremely low as well; you need to eat high protein foods in order to help strengthen you. I can give you some sample meal plans so you can start to get back on track. And here are some high calcium pills to take in order to try and gain some bone strength back. I want to see you again in six months, I hope you and your friend have a good time until then.”

The doctor leads you out of the room and you pay the receptionist before making your way back to the Impala. Once in the Impala, the floodgates open. A strangled cry makes it out of your throat as you break down. The whole appointment has exhausted you and overwhelmed you.

“Come on, let’s get you home. We can watch a movie or something, if you want,” Dean suggests as he drives off back to the bunker.

“Yeah that sounds good. Will you tell Sam about all this? I don’t want to repeat anything. I feel so stupid, Dean. I can’t believe that it got to this point, it wasn’t supposed to happen. I just wanted to get healthy and it spun out of control so quickly. I never wanted to be in so much pain whenever I move or have the room spin whenever I stand up. It sucks that some nights I think about just ending it to get rid of the pain, Dean,” you ramble all the way back to the bunker.

“Y/N, kiddo, come here.” Dean pulls you out of the Impala and into his open arms.

You bury into his chest and he slowly guides you into the bunker and to his room. He lays you down on his bed and crawls in next to you, wrapping his arms around your waist. You lay your head down on his chest, the rhythm of his heartbeat lulling you into calmness. Dean runs his fingers through your hair as he hums Hey Jude softly.

“Thank you, Dean,” you whisper, smiling up at him.

“Y/N, you mean the world to me. I am glad you asked for help and that you want me with you for every step of your recovery. Sam is here for you as well if I am not around. The both of us love you very much and just want what is best for you.”

You quickly kiss his cheek before snuggling back into his chest and turn your attention to the movie that Dean found on TV. The two of you stay in bed for the rest of the day, only to have Sam come join the both of you. He lays on your opposite side, putting you in a Winchester sandwich. You smile as you realize that recovery might be a bumpy road but you have two people who support you no matter what by your side. Every single step of the way.